月份: 2018 年 4 月

我是「為他好」？？
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我是「為他好」，他為什麼總是不領情？
前陣子，有個同修來找我訴苦，說他的家人都不理解他，對他的付出完全不領情，他覺得明明是為他們好，為什麼家人總是不領情呢？他覺得又傷心又困擾，就來問我該怎麼解決？
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我問他：「你說你是為了家人好，是怎麼個好法呀？說來聽聽吧！」
他說：「我看爸媽年紀大了，身體沒以前靈活，就請了個傭人在家幫忙打理家事，可他們居然說不喜歡家裡有外人，還嫌說覺得傭人煮的飯菜不合口味！」
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我說：「你問過你爸媽的想法了嗎？」
他回：「沒有」

他又說：「有一次，我覺得太太的摩托車太老舊，就買了台汽車給她，把舊車牽去報廢了，可是太太居然嫌我多事，說她更喜歡那台破摩托車！」
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我說：「你問過你太太的想法了嗎？」
他回：「也沒有！」
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我問：「還有沒有別的？」
他說：「有啊！說到這我就生氣！我辛辛苦苦賺錢養家，就是為了要把孩子栽培成一個人上人，所以我讓女兒學鋼琴、小提琴、學跳舞、學畫畫；她功課不好，我每一科都給她請家教，又讓她上私立學校，每一步都幫她安排得好好的，可她卻一點都不領情，前幾天還跟我大小聲，說這些她都不喜歡，差點沒氣死我！」
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我問：「那你問過你女兒的想法嗎？」
他氣呼呼地說：「這哪裡需要問？她一個孩子懂什麼？我是為她好！」
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我告訴他：「你覺得你都是為他們好，但是你問過他們的意見了嗎？你確定你給的真的是他們要的嗎？我給你一個任務，回去問問他們到底想要什麼，下次看到我的時候給我說說。」
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最近，那個同修自己跑來跟我說：「師父，您說的對，我給的東西好像真的不是他們要的！」
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他說：「我問父母，他們說我與其請個傭人伺候他們，不如時常回老家看看、陪他們說說話。」；「我問太太，汽車到底哪裡不如摩托車？她說到菜市場買菜，開車沒地方停，還不如摩托車方便！」；「我又問女兒，她到底想要什麼？她說與其讓我拚上半條命賺錢讓她補習、學才藝，還不如假日的時候全家一起出去走走！」
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之後，我嘗試照著他們想要的去做，父母過得更開心了，太太更愛我了，女兒的成績也沒有因為經常全家出遊而退步，變得更活潑，也更好學了。果然給他們想要的，才是真的為他們好啊…」我點著頭笑笑，看她滿臉幸福的繼續說著。。。
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所以，當咱們在「為他好」的同時，不妨去了解一下別人到底需要什麼、想要什麼？將對對方的「愛」和「關心」，轉換成「同理心」和「換位思考」，如此一來不但少煩惱該為對方準備些什麼，也能讓別人感覺更舒服，因為這是融洽人與人之間關係的最佳潤滑劑。想營造和諧的人際關係就會非常容易了。

最後祝福大家: 生活更加順利、吉祥、幸福、快樂！
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I am “For His Sake”?

I am “For his sake”. Why does he not appreciate what I have been doing for him? Sometime back, a fellow practitioner came to me and lamented that his family members failed to understand his good intentions and did not appreciate his efforts. To him, it was obvious that whatever he had done was for their well being but yet they did not appreciate it. He felt sad and troubled and came to seek my advice on how to resolve the matter.

I asked him: “You told me what you had done was for your family’s sake. Can you share with me in what ways have you helped your family? ” He said: “I felt that my parents were old and not as agile, so I employed a domestic help to do the household chores for them. However, they told me that they did not like having an outsider at home. They also complained that the meals prepared by the domestic help were not to their liking.”

I asked, “Did you seek your parents’ opinion?”
He said: “No.”
And He then continued, “Once, I thought my wife’s motorcycle was too old and bought a car for her. I sent the old motorcycle to be scrapped. However, my wife felt that I was too meddlesome as she actually preferred the old motorcycle!”

I said, “Did you seek your wife’s opinion?”
He said: “No.”

I asked, “What else have you done for your family ?” He said, “Yes! I feel very agitated when talking about it! I worked hard to earn money to support my family. I hope to raise my kids into fine people. I therefore enrolled my daughter for piano, violin, dancing and drawing lessons. Since her school grades were poor , I engaged a private tutor for her for all her subjects. I even enrolled her into a private school. I have see to all her needs but she did not appreciate it at all. Just a few days ago, she was very rude when talking to me; she even told me that she did not like all the arrangements that I made for her. It really made me very mad!”

I asked, “Did you ever ask your daughter for her views?” He replied angrily. “Why should I ask? Being a child, what does she know? What I do is good for her !”

I told him: “You always think what you did for them is good for them , but did you ever seek their views? Are you sure that what you did for them is what they desire? I give you an assignment, you go back and ask them exactly what are their wishes and share them with me the next time you see me. ”

Recently, the fellow practitioner came to me and said, “Master, what you said to me is true; what I gave them was not what they wished to have!”

He said: “I asked my parents. They told me that they rather that I go back to their hometown more often to visit them rather than employ a domestic help for them. I asked my wife why she preferred a motor cycle to a car. She replied that, at the market, it is easier to find a place to park a motorcycle than a car. I asked my daughter what she really wanted. She said she prefers that I spend my time bringing the family for holidays rather than slog so hard in order to send her for tuition and learn other skills.

Thereafter, I tried to go along with their wishes. My parents are happier and my wife loves me even more. My daughter’s academic grades did not drop because of our frequent family trips; in fact she becomes more lively and keener to learn. It is indeed true that going along with their wishes is really doing them good … “. I nodded and smiled, noting his happy face as i continued to share. . .

Thus, when we are doing things “for their sake”, we should first try to understand other people’s need and desire. We should convert our love and care for others into “empathy” and “stepping into another’s shoes”. This will make it easier for us when planning what to do for others. Once we have their real interests at heart, it will be easier to communicate and build a better relationship.

Finally, I wish everyone a smooth sailing life, auspiciousness, joy and happiness!
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#ForHisSake, #PutYourselfInTheirShoes, #Empathy, #FamilyHarmony, #Happiness
#我是為他好、#換位思考、#同理心、#家庭幸福、#快樂

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