金菩提宗師Facebook記錄 金菩提宗師設立的Facebook平台，包含報導、禪修分享、禪修評價等 fb.com/jinbodhiworld
#笑一笑沒煩惱
生活夠用就好，知足才能快樂！
.
今天，再來說個和「消費」有關的網路笑話，給大家笑笑。
.
有一群企業老闆運動完了正在更換衣服。
.
他們將隨身物品擱置在外頭的長桌上。
.
突然有一支手機響了，許久，卻沒人接聽！
.
終於…有位企業老闆衝出來按擴音接聽了。
.
以下為通話紀錄：
問：「你剛打完球嗎？」
答：「恩我們剛打完。」
.
問：「我剛逛街看到一個包真美，但是標價3萬5美金，可以買嗎？」
答：「喜歡就買吧！」
.
問：「早上出門時看到一款新車，開起來一定很酷炫，才250萬美金還送車險耶！」
答：「是滿划算的，喜歡就買吧！」
.
問：「剛剛朋友介紹一間不錯的獨棟別墅給我，很便宜，才1600萬美金呢！」
答：「真假，喜歡就買吧！」
.
問：「老公你真好，我們等會兒見。」
答：「好。」
.
旁邊的男人們各各都佩服的五體投地！
.
這個企業老闆掛了電話大聲問：
.
.
.
「這是誰的手機？」
.
.
#笑一笑沒煩惱
#誰的電話響了
再說說網路笑話一則
.
有位老王，上禮拜去打印名片，拿到打印好的名片後卻大發雷霆！
老王說：「我頭銜上明明是寫的『專業顧問』，結果卻給我印成『專業顧門』。」
.
老王氣得打電話去罵名片行老闆太離譜，竟然少印個「口」，名片行老闆拼命地賠不是說：「抱歉！抱歉！我們會免費幫您重新打印，絕不收費。」
.
今天，老王去拿新的名片，竟然當場暈倒在地。
究竟，老王看到了什麼？
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
【專業顧門口。。。】
.
#咱們做事要長腦袋
#笑一笑沒煩惱rnrn再說說網路笑話一則
.
有位老王，上禮拜去打印名片，拿到打印好的名片後卻大發雷霆！
老王說：「我頭銜上明明是寫的『專業顧問』，結果卻給我印成『專業顧門』。」
.
老王氣得打電話去罵名片行老闆太離譜，竟然少印個「口」，名片行老闆拼命地賠不是說：「抱歉！抱歉！我們會免費幫您重新打印，絕不收費。」
.
今天，老王去拿新的名片，竟然當場暈倒在地。
究竟，老王看到了什麼？
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
【專業顧門口。。。】
.
#咱們做事要長腦袋
#笑一笑沒煩惱
狗兒的頓悟
.
有兩隻狗在往生之後，見到了神。神對牠們說：「你們這一生都沒有做過壞事，還盡忠職守的保護人類。所以你們可以各自向我許一個願望，我會幫你們實現。」
.
其中一隻狗聽完之後，快樂地搖著尾巴說：「我想要變成最漂亮的狗，這樣主人就會一直寵愛我了！」神實現了牠的願望，讓牠投胎變成一隻漂亮的狗，並且有個很寵愛牠的主人。
.
第二隻狗說：「我想要變成跟人類一樣聰明的狗！」神也實現了牠的願望。讓牠擁有和人類一樣的智力。但當神要送牠倆去投胎時，這隻狗卻突然坐在地上大哭了起來。
.
神問：「我已經實現了你的願望，為什麼你還要哭呢？」
.
變得和人類一樣聰明的狗哭著說：「我變聰明之後才發現，我剛才應該求您把我變成人類啊！」
.
看來，聰明和愚笨就只差這一念。
一念之差，天堂和地獄！
.
.
#笑一笑沒煩惱、#狗的頓悟、#人身難得rnrn狗兒的頓悟
.
有兩隻狗在往生之後，見到了神。神對牠們說：「你們這一生都沒有做過壞事，還盡忠職守的保護人類。所以你們可以各自向我許一個願望，我會幫你們實現。」
.
其中一隻狗聽完之後，快樂地搖著尾巴說：「我想要變成最漂亮的狗，這樣主人就會一直寵愛我了！」神實現了牠的願望，讓牠投胎變成一隻漂亮的狗，並且有個很寵愛牠的主人。
.
第二隻狗說：「我想要變成跟人類一樣聰明的狗！」神也實現了牠的願望。讓牠擁有和人類一樣的智力。但當神要送牠倆去投胎時，這隻狗卻突然坐在地上大哭了起來。
.
神問：「我已經實現了你的願望，為什麼你還要哭呢？」
.
變得和人類一樣聰明的狗哭著說：「我變聰明之後才發現，我剛才應該求您把我變成人類啊！」
.
看來，聰明和愚笨就只差這一念。
一念之差，天堂和地獄！
.
.
#笑一笑沒煩惱、#狗的頓悟、#人身難得
笑一笑沒煩惱！
.
如何帶5歲以前的孩子逛超市?
.
有個母親帶著5歲的孩子到超市買菜。
.
母親一進到超市，就把兒子的褲腰帶解走了。
.
超商店員問母親：「您來超市為何要解開孩子的褲腰帶呢？」
.
母親笑說：「這招挺管用的！ 」
.
.
.
.
因為這樣他兩隻手要忙著提褲子，就無法到處亂抓東西了。
.
店員：…
.
.
#笑一笑沒煩惱
#逛超市rnrn笑一笑沒煩惱！
.
如何帶5歲以前的孩子逛超市?
.
有個母親帶著5歲的孩子到超市買菜。
.
母親一進到超市，就把兒子的褲腰帶解走了。
.
超商店員問母親：「您來超市為何要解開孩子的褲腰帶呢？」
.
母親笑說：「這招挺管用的！ 」
.
.
.
.
因為這樣他兩隻手要忙著提褲子，就無法到處亂抓東西了。
.
店員：…
.
.
#笑一笑沒煩惱
#逛超市
高手在民間！?
.
又到了周末時刻，大家辛苦了一週的工作，是該來放鬆一下。我說個網絡笑話給大家聽聽，笑笑沒煩惱，健康不會老。
.
有一位教授和農夫在火車上相遇了！
.
倆人剛好相對而坐。無聊之際，教授開口了：「我出一道題目來玩玩，你若不知道就給我5元，我若不知道，就給你500元，如何？」
.
農夫爽快的答應了。
.
教授說：「月亮距離地球多遠呢？」
.
農民一言不發，給了教授5元。
.
農民反問：「上山三條腿，下山四條腿是什麼動物？」
.
教授苦思無解，無奈給了農民500元。
.
農民拿了錢準備睡覺。
.
教授追問農夫：「您說的究竟是什麼動物呢？」
.
農民依舊一言不發，給了教授5元，然後睡覺了。。。???
.
.
#高手在民間
#笑一笑沒煩惱
#健康不會老
The real master hidden among the ordinary folks ?
Weekend is finally coming after a week of hard work. Let me share a joke I found online to help you relax. As the saying goes: A laughter a day keeps the doctor at bay!
A professor and a farmer sat on seats facing each other on the train.
Feeling bored, the professor decided to play a game with the farmer: “Let’s take turns to ask each other questions. If you do not know the answer to my question, you’d pay me $5. If I do not know the answer to your question, I’d pay you $500. What do you think?”
The farmer agreed.
The professor asked: “How far is the moon from the earth?”
The farmer silently took out $5 and handed it to the professor.
It’s the farmer’s turn. “What animal has three legs when going up a hill, but four legs when coming down?”
The professor thought long and hard but could not come up with the answer. Grudgingly, he handed $500 to the farmer.
The farmer took the money and proceeded to take a nap.
The professor asked the farmer: “What is the answer? What animal is that?”
Without a word, the farmer took out $5, handed it to the professor and went to sleep. ???
#MasterAmongTheOrdinaryFolks, #LaughYourTroublesAway, #LaughterKeepsTheDoctorAway, #HealthyAndYoungrnrn高手在民間！?
.
又到了周末時刻，大家辛苦了一週的工作，是該來放鬆一下。我說個網絡笑話給大家聽聽，笑笑沒煩惱，健康不會老。
.
有一位教授和農夫在火車上相遇了！
.
倆人剛好相對而坐。無聊之際，教授開口了：「我出一道題目來玩玩，你若不知道就給我5元，我若不知道，就給你500元，如何？」
.
農夫爽快的答應了。
.
教授說：「月亮距離地球多遠呢？」
.
農民一言不發，給了教授5元。
.
農民反問：「上山三條腿，下山四條腿是什麼動物？」
.
教授苦思無解，無奈給了農民500元。
.
農民拿了錢準備睡覺。
.
教授追問農夫：「您說的究竟是什麼動物呢？」
.
農民依舊一言不發，給了教授5元，然後睡覺了。。。???
.
.
#高手在民間
#笑一笑沒煩惱
#健康不會老
The real master hidden among the ordinary folks ?
Weekend is finally coming after a week of hard work. Let me share a joke I found online to help you relax. As the saying goes: A laughter a day keeps the doctor at bay!
A professor and a farmer sat on seats facing each other on the train.
Feeling bored, the professor decided to play a game with the farmer: “Let’s take turns to ask each other questions. If you do not know the answer to my question, you’d pay me $5. If I do not know the answer to your question, I’d pay you $500. What do you think?”
The farmer agreed.
The professor asked: “How far is the moon from the earth?”
The farmer silently took out $5 and handed it to the professor.
It’s the farmer’s turn. “What animal has three legs when going up a hill, but four legs when coming down?”
The professor thought long and hard but could not come up with the answer. Grudgingly, he handed $500 to the farmer.
The farmer took the money and proceeded to take a nap.
The professor asked the farmer: “What is the answer? What animal is that?”
Without a word, the farmer took out $5, handed it to the professor and went to sleep. ???
#MasterAmongTheOrdinaryFolks, #LaughYourTroublesAway, #LaughterKeepsTheDoctorAway, #HealthyAndYoung
除夕餃子餡包什麼?
.
.
後天，就是除夕闔家圍爐的日子，來說個笑話給大家笑一笑，放鬆一下這一整年工作的辛勞！
.
有一對年邁的老夫妻，一輩子勤勤奮奮的，在年三十這天，老頭子突發奇想的說：「老婆呀！今年的除夕夜咱們別吃芹菜餡的餃子了，老是勤勤勞勞的一輩子也該改改了。老婆頭不抬眼不睜的問：「那你說吧，今年該吃啥餡料？」
.
老頭子說：「馬齒莧菜的餡不錯！有『長壽』之寓意。」
老婆樂呵呵的說：「好啊！挺吉祥的，那你去買馬齒莧菜，我來準備餃子皮。」
.
老頭子大聲的答：「好呀！好呀！」
.
一上午很快過去了，老頭子還沒起身去買馬齒莧。中午老婆催了又催，老頭子準備要出門了，忽然想起兒子送給他的ipad農場還有蘿蔔、青菜還沒收，急忙打開ipad農場，一看，哇！我辛辛苦苦種好的蘿蔔、青菜，竟然被人拿去了大半。老頭子心想：「大過年的，該要豐收過好年呀，就蹲在ipad前一陣猛灑豆子，等著農作收成，不想時間一分一秒的過去，天竟這樣給擦黑了。
.
老婆見老伴蹲在ipad前磨菇一整天，斜著眼問：「老頭子，除夕的馬齒莧菜哪？」
.
老頭子瞅著電腦回：「等著，還沒熟哪？」
.
弄得老婆哭笑不得，只好把餃皮給捏實了(夯實)，
這年的除夕夜，倆老破例的吃了一回全餡餃子金元寶！！
.
今年春節，您的金元寶餃子給夯實了嗎？???
.
.
.
#除夕、#餃子、#金元寶餃子、#夯實、#笑一笑沒煩惱、#好彩頭
.
.
What’s in for the filling of Lunar New Year eve’s dumpling?
The day after tomorrow is the eve of lunar new year’s reunion dinner. Let’s share a joke with everyone here. Time to relax after a whole year of hard work!
There was once a pair of diligent elderly couple who had worked hard all their life, on the eve of lunar new year, the old man suddenly said whimsically: “We always eat dumpling with celery filling on eve of lunar new year , shall we have a change this year? It’s time for a change after working so hard throughout our life (In Mandarin, celery sounded like “working hard”). His wife without lifting her head or batting an eye asked: “Then what do you suggest for the filling?”
The old man said: “It will be great to have Chinese chives stuffing. It’s auspicious as there is liquor and vegetable (Chinese chives sounded like “liquor” and “vegetable” in Mandarin). His wife replied happily: “Well! It’s very auspicious, then can you go and buy the chives whilst I prepare the dumpling skin.”
The old man replied loudly ” Great!”
Morning passed by quickly, and the old man did not go and buy the chives. At noon, his wife reminded him repeatedly. When the old man was ready to go out, he suddenly remembered that in the ipad that his son gave him, there were still radish, and vegetables that had not been harvested, he hurriedly opened the ipad farm to take a look, Wow! Half of the vegetables that I have grown have been taken away . The old man thought: “In the coming lunar new year, we should have a good harvest, and squatted before the Ipad to sprinkle beans, waiting for the harvest, time just slipped by and before he realized, the day had ended.
The wife saw her spouse squatting beside the ipad looking at the mushrooms all day long, She asked: “Old man, so where is the chives that you were supposed to buy for the dumpling filling for eve of lunar new year?”
The old man staring at the ipad replied ” Wait, it is still not ready for harvest”.
His wife was dumbfounded, she has no choice but to mould the dumpling skin into shape of gold ingot. For lunar new year eve this year, the old couple ate gold ingot dumpling without any filling!
This year Spring Festival , are your golden ingot dumplings filled with chives?
#LunarNewYear’sEve, #Dumplings, #GoldIngotDumplings, #Compaction, #AGoodLaughWillChaseAwayAllProblems, #GoodTidings