「逗」生路上那些事兒 . 人生路上會經歷…

「逗」生路上那些事兒
.
人生路上會經歷各種事情,品嘗不同的情感與滋味,酸、甜、苦、辣、鹹、悲、喜……,認真說起來可能三天三夜都說不完!然而真正能夠將五味雜陳的人生都付諸笑談的人又有多少呢?一起看看禪逗如何將豐富多彩的「逗」生經歷,轉化成幽默逗趣的「逗」式語錄,博諸君一笑!
.
#禪逗、#幽默、#有趣、#笑話

Experiences in life

On the journey of life, we will experience all kinds of feelings and emotions, such as sourness, sweetness, bitterness, spiciness, saltiness, sadness, and happiness. It may be impossible to completely discuss about them even within three days and three nights! However, how many people can really put all the five flavors of life into a joke? Let’s take a look at how Zen Bean managed to transform the colorful “Bean” experience into humorous and funny “Bean” quotations.

#ZenBean, #Humor, #Funny, #Laugh


https://www.facebook.com/1656157281338091_2320232491597230

禪逗「扭」起來! . 一個星期的開始,繁…

禪逗「扭」起來!
.
一個星期的開始,繁忙的工作、學業壓力,讓人心情沉重!這時候,就要聽聽禪逗說點有趣的,來紓解一下情緒!禪逗這星期又想說什麼笑話給大家聽呢?真是太令人期待了!也祝福大家元旦快樂!

.
#禪逗11、#幽默、#笑話

Zen Bean “Twist”!

At the beginning of a new week, the hectic work and academic pressure makes one feel heavy emotionally! Thus it’s a good time to listen to Zen Bean share something light-hearted to help relief the emotions! Looking forward to the interesting jokes that Zen Bean be sharing with us this week! Wishing all of you a Happy New Year!

#ZenBean11, #Humor, #Laugh


https://www.facebook.com/1656157281338091_2306900126263800

聖誕節也要「禪逗」一下 . 溫馨又閃亮的…

聖誕節也要「禪逗」一下
.
溫馨又閃亮的聖誕節又到了!今年大家預計怎麼過聖誕節呢?在過節的同時,也不要忘記咱們的禪逗喔!這禮拜禪逗為大家準備了「聖誕特別版」的笑話,要讓大家的聖誕節過得更開心、更幸福!
.
#禪逗、#輕鬆、#幽默、#聖誕節、#笑話

Christmas is also time for some Zen Bean

Warm and shiny Christmas is here again! How do you plan to spend your Christmas? While soaking in the festive season, don’t forget about Zen Bean! This week, Zen Bean has prepared some “Christmas Special” jokes for you so you can enjoy a happier and more blissful Christmas!

#ZenBean, #Light, #Humor, #Christmas, #Joke


https://www.facebook.com/1656157281338091_2306894939597652

「逗」生經歷說給你聽 . 不少人年紀到了…

「逗」生經歷說給你聽
.
不少人年紀到了就開始喜歡「話當年」,講講年輕時的「豐功偉業」,咱們禪逗也不例外!它將自己豐富的「逗」生經驗,結合了幽默的言語,把老生常談變得有趣極了!你怎麼看呢?
.
#幽默、#笑話、#禪逗

Once upon a bean-time

Many people like to reminisce about the past once they reach a certain age and bring up the “great things” that they did in their younger days. Our Zen Bean is one of them! Let us listen to his humorous and interesting narration of his “bean life” experiences! Let us know what you think of them!

#Humor #Joke #ZenBean


https://www.facebook.com/1656157281338091_2298827630404383

小明跳舞 . 這天,小明在學校裡頭學了一…

小明跳舞
.
這天,小明在學校裡頭學了一支舞,回家之後興沖沖地跳給奶奶看。可是小明實在跳得不怎麼樣,而且有幾個動作怎麼跳也跳不好,奶奶看了之後,其實很想嘆氣,但又一直告訴自己「要鼓勵孩子」,於是想了想之後,就告訴小明:「小明啊,你這支舞跳得不錯,比奶奶跳得好多了!」
.
我們東方人、尤其是華人的父母親,要學會少批評,少責怪孩子,多一些鼓勵和讚美。如果孩子正處在失敗的低谷,需要別人向上拉他一把,不要用粗暴的語言,向下打壓他。一句正面積極的鼓勵,就能讓他再繼續努力;一句負面貶低的話,有可能讓他更加否定自己,萎靡不振。這個奶奶的讚美,雖然有點讓人哭笑不得,但總比讓孩子繼續生氣強多了!
.
#冷笑話、#幽默

Xiao Ming dance

Xiao Ming learned a dance in school and went home to dance for his grandmother. However, he couldn’t dance well, and there were a few steps that he couldn’t do right. After seeing him dance, Grandma wanted to sigh, but she kept reminding herself to “encourage the child.” After some thoughts, she told Xiao Ming: “Xiao Ming, you danced well, much better than Grandma!”

Oriental parents, especially the Chinese, must learn to encourage and praise their children more, and not only criticize or blame their children. If the child is in the lows of life, he needs someone to lift him up, don’t use rude language, and belittle him. A positive encouragement may be what it takes for him to continue with his efforts. On the other hand, a negative word when he is feeling low may make him feel even more negative and weak. Although the praise of this grandmother might sound ridiculous, is much better than letting the child be discouraged!

#ColdJoke, #Humor


https://www.facebook.com/1656157281338091_2263725093914637

孔子的英文名字 . 今天是孔子的誕辰紀念…

孔子的英文名字
.
今天是孔子的誕辰紀念日,也是某些地區的教師節,發個應景的幽默短文,讓大家樂活樂活,也祝福所有的教師笑口常開,春風廣被!
——————————————————————————————-
.
孔子收到美國「世界漢學國際研討會」的請柬,邀他在開幕典禮後做專題演講。 孔子十分高興,準備先去印一盒名片。
.
文具店老闆見聖人來了,異常恭敬,問清楚名片要中英文對照,就對孔子說:「英文的一面,不知該怎麼稱呼?」
.
「不是有現成的Confucius嗎?」孔子反問。
.
老闆笑笑說:「那是外國人對您老的尊稱,您老也不好意思自稱『孔夫子』吧?」
.
「那倒也是。那該怎麼印呢?」孔子不禁沉吟起來。
.
「杜甫昨天也來過。」老闆說。
.
「哦,他的名字怎麼印?」孔子問。
.
老闆說:「杜先生本來要印Tu Fu,我一聽表示不好,太像『豆腐』了。後來我就對詩聖說:『您老不是字子美嗎?那就叫Jimmy Tu吧!』」
.
孔子笑起來,叫一聲「妙!」
.
「其實韓愈也來過,」老闆又說。
.
「真的呀?」孔子更好奇了。「他就印Han Yu吧?」
.
老闆得意洋洋說:「本來他要這樣的,我一聽又說不行,太像Hang you了。」還是我想到韓老的故鄉,對他說:『您老不是韓昌黎嗎?』那就印Charlie Han好了!」
.
「太好了,太好了!」孔子笑罷,又皺起眉頭說:「他們都解決了,可是我到底怎麼印呢?」
.
老闆想了一下,叫道:「有了!您老不是字仲尼嗎?」老闆笑道。
.
「對呀!」孔子滿臉期待。
.
老闆大聲道:「而且還曾週遊列國,那就印 Johnny Walker 好了!」
.
.
Confucius’ English name
.
Today is the day to commemorate the birth of Confucius, and also Teacher’s Day in some region. Let me post a humorous story here to cheer everyone up and also wish all teachers smiles and happiness!

———————————————————————-
Confucius received an invitation by America to the “World Chinese International Forum” inviting him to give a keynote speech after the opening ceremony. Confucius is very happy and went to print a box of business cards.
.
The shopkeeper upon seeing Confucius, asked respectfully if the business cards had to be printed in both Chinese and English language. He asked Confucius, “What should I print on the English side?”
.
“Can I not print Confucius?” Confucius asked.
.
The boss smiled and said: “That is the Westerners naming you Confucius out of respect. Don’t you feel embarrassed to proclaim yourself as Confucius?”
.
“So what name should I print for myself?” Confucius could not help but pondered.
.
“Du Fu (a renowned poet) came yesterday,” the boss said.
.
“Oh, how was his name printed?” Confucius asked.
.
The boss said, “Mr. Du was supposed to print Du Fu, but I think it sounded bad, too much like tofu. So I said to the poet, Isn’t your other name “Zimei” Lets call you Jimmy Tu then! ” (as Zimei sounded like Jimmy)
.
Confucius laughed and said that’s wonderful!
.
“In fact, Han Yu (a Chinese writer, poet, and government official of the Tang Dynasty) also came,” the boss said.
.
Confucius guessed “ Is it simply Han Yu?”
.
The boss said triumphantly: “I said to him that it sounded too much like Hang you. I said to him, wasn’t his full name Han Changli? So lets call you Charlie Han! ”
.
“Well, that’s great!” Confucius smiled, then frowned, “They are all settled, but what name should I print in English?”
.
The boss thought for a moment and exclaimed: “Yes! They also call you Zhongni?” The boss laughed.
.
“Yes!” Confucius responded in anticipation.
.
The boss said loudly: “Since you also travel the world a lot. Let’s print Johnny Walker!”
.
.
#TeachersDay, #ConfuciusBirthday, #Humor
#教師節、#孔子誕辰、#幽默rnrn孔子的英文名字
.
今天是孔子的誕辰紀念日,也是某些地區的教師節,發個應景的幽默短文,讓大家樂活樂活,也祝福所有的教師笑口常開,春風廣被!
——————————————————————————————-
.
孔子收到美國「世界漢學國際研討會」的請柬,邀他在開幕典禮後做專題演講。 孔子十分高興,準備先去印一盒名片。
.
文具店老闆見聖人來了,異常恭敬,問清楚名片要中英文對照,就對孔子說:「英文的一面,不知該怎麼稱呼?」
.
「不是有現成的Confucius嗎?」孔子反問。
.
老闆笑笑說:「那是外國人對您老的尊稱,您老也不好意思自稱『孔夫子』吧?」
.
「那倒也是。那該怎麼印呢?」孔子不禁沉吟起來。
.
「杜甫昨天也來過。」老闆說。
.
「哦,他的名字怎麼印?」孔子問。
.
老闆說:「杜先生本來要印Tu Fu,我一聽表示不好,太像『豆腐』了。後來我就對詩聖說:『您老不是字子美嗎?那就叫Jimmy Tu吧!』」
.
孔子笑起來,叫一聲「妙!」
.
「其實韓愈也來過,」老闆又說。
.
「真的呀?」孔子更好奇了。「他就印Han Yu吧?」
.
老闆得意洋洋說:「本來他要這樣的,我一聽又說不行,太像Hang you了。」還是我想到韓老的故鄉,對他說:『您老不是韓昌黎嗎?』那就印Charlie Han好了!」
.
「太好了,太好了!」孔子笑罷,又皺起眉頭說:「他們都解決了,可是我到底怎麼印呢?」
.
老闆想了一下,叫道:「有了!您老不是字仲尼嗎?」老闆笑道。
.
「對呀!」孔子滿臉期待。
.
老闆大聲道:「而且還曾週遊列國,那就印 Johnny Walker 好了!」
.
.
Confucius’ English name
.
Today is the day to commemorate the birth of Confucius, and also Teacher’s Day in some region. Let me post a humorous story here to cheer everyone up and also wish all teachers smiles and happiness!

———————————————————————-
Confucius received an invitation by America to the “World Chinese International Forum” inviting him to give a keynote speech after the opening ceremony. Confucius is very happy and went to print a box of business cards.
.
The shopkeeper upon seeing Confucius, asked respectfully if the business cards had to be printed in both Chinese and English language. He asked Confucius, “What should I print on the English side?”
.
“Can I not print Confucius?” Confucius asked.
.
The boss smiled and said: “That is the Westerners naming you Confucius out of respect. Don’t you feel embarrassed to proclaim yourself as Confucius?”
.
“So what name should I print for myself?” Confucius could not help but pondered.
.
“Du Fu (a renowned poet) came yesterday,” the boss said.
.
“Oh, how was his name printed?” Confucius asked.
.
The boss said, “Mr. Du was supposed to print Du Fu, but I think it sounded bad, too much like tofu. So I said to the poet, Isn’t your other name “Zimei” Lets call you Jimmy Tu then! ” (as Zimei sounded like Jimmy)
.
Confucius laughed and said that’s wonderful!
.
“In fact, Han Yu (a Chinese writer, poet, and government official of the Tang Dynasty) also came,” the boss said.
.
Confucius guessed “ Is it simply Han Yu?”
.
The boss said triumphantly: “I said to him that it sounded too much like Hang you. I said to him, wasn’t his full name Han Changli? So lets call you Charlie Han! ”
.
“Well, that’s great!” Confucius smiled, then frowned, “They are all settled, but what name should I print in English?”
.
The boss thought for a moment and exclaimed: “Yes! They also call you Zhongni?” The boss laughed.
.
“Yes!” Confucius responded in anticipation.
.
The boss said loudly: “Since you also travel the world a lot. Let’s print Johnny Walker!”
.
.
#TeachersDay, #ConfuciusBirthday, #Humor
#教師節、#孔子誕辰、#幽默


https://www.facebook.com/1656157281338091_2019182648368884

中秋外傳—嫦娥也來走八卦?? . ….

中秋外傳—嫦娥也來走八卦??
.
.
有一個上初中的小弟子,給我講了一個他自編的中秋故事—嫦娥八卦傳,實在太有趣了。臨近中秋佳節前,也分享給大家聽。
.
———————————————————————————————
這一天,嫦娥從廣寒宮裡走出來,到外面散步,看到吳剛正坐在桂花樹下喝桂花酒,一邊喝酒,一邊唉聲嘆氣。
嫦娥問他:「你為什麼在這裡借酒消愁?」
.
吳剛苦著臉說:「哎,我來月宮裏已經好幾千年啦,雖然做了神仙可以長生不死,但是因為廣寒宮中太過濕冷,手腳是越來越不聽使喚,我因此愁苦身體健康問題呀。」
.
嫦娥聽完說道:「我是個姑娘家,待在月宮中的時間也不比你短,我依舊可以精神飽滿,身體輕盈,完全不受廣寒宮中濕冷之氣所影響,天天開心地飛來飛去呢?」
.
吳剛一臉困惑的問:「仙女姊姊,您是怎樣做到的呀,也快告訴我祕訣吧!」
.
嫦娥:「那沒問題,只要你跟我一樣堅持住,每天繞著桂樹走「八卦」,相信你也可以跟我一樣健健康康的。」
.
吳剛一臉驚訝地:「原來如此,那麼嫦娥姊姊,妳是不是也跟桂樹一樣能量強大呀?」
.
嫦娥甩了甩飄逸的長袖,呼呼生風,說:
「當然啦!因為我長期在廣寒宮裡居住,這兒潮濕又寒冷,我因此得了風濕病,四肢酸痛,畏寒怕冷,手腳冰涼。還有,我離開丈夫這麼多年,非常想念后羿,悶悶不樂,抑鬱成疾,落下了我一身的病痛。
「玉兔」非常擔憂我的身子,每天都為我搗藥,炮製風濕丸、補氣丸、開心丸,我吃了許多年,但收效甚微。
.
後來,我學習了菩提的「八卦內功」,只要每天早上堅持走一個小時,不用多久,現在我所有的疾病都好了,渾身都有使不完的勁兒,而且心情也變好了,每天健康開心的,玉兔再也不用辛苦搗藥,可以天天陪我玩,我現在過得可開心了。」
.
吳剛聽得此言,一拍大腿,「八卦甚好!我也要學,嫦娥姊姊,快教教我吧!」
.
.
備註:「樹吸收了天地間的能量、宇宙之精華,所以擁有了強大的能量,你天天繞著他走,與樹溝通能量,相信你也可以一樣健健康康的。」
.
Mid-autumn Legend—Chang’e (the lady in the moon-Chinese mythology) came to practice Energy Bagua??
.
A young junior high school disciple narrated his self-composed version of a Mid-Autumn story to me— The legend of Chang’e (Goddess of the Moon) and Energy Bagua. It is hilarious. As Mid-Autumn festival is near, let me share his story with you too.

————————————————————–
As the story goes, Chang’e left her Moon palace for a stroll outside. She sighted Wu Gang sitting under the Osmanthus tree sipping Osmanthus wine, sighing while drinking.
Chang’e asked, “Why are you drowning your sorrows here?”
Wu Gang responded bitterly, “.. (sigh).. I have been living on the moon for thousands of years. Although being an immortal allows me to live forever, it is too cold here and now my limps are not as responsive as they used to be. Hence, I am more and more worried about my health as time passes.”
.
After listening to Wu Gang, Chang’e shared: “Although being a lady and having to stay on the Moon palace for a time not shorter than you, I am still full of vitality and my body feels light and graceful, completely not affected by the coldness and dampness on the Moon palace living each day and happily flying around”.
.
Wu Gang looked confused and asked, ”Fairy sister, how did you do it? Can you share with me your secret?”
.
Chang’e, “Sure, as long as you persevere on like me and practice Energy Bagua round the Osmanthus tree daily, I believe you can also be as healthy as me.”
Wu Gang looked surprised, “So that is the secret. Elder sister Chang’e, are you full of energy like the Osmanthus tree then?”
.
Chang’e swung her long elegant sleeves, and with a voice as strong as the wind, answered, “That’s of course!” I’d lived in the Moon palace for a long time. It is damp and cold, causing rheumatism, sore and aching limbs, bodily chills and fear of the cold, especially at my hands and feet. Also, I’d left my husband for so many years. I miss Hou Yi dearly, and this made me unhappy and depressed. I had lapsed into illness, and it left me full of ailments. The Jade Rabbit was worried for my health and prepared medicine for me daily, such as rheumatism pills, vitality pills, and mood pills. I was on all these medication for many years, but with little result. Later, I learned about Bodhi Meditation Energy Bagua. Every morning, I would practice for an hour, and am now free from all the diseases. I feel most energetic and with much vigor and even my mood has improved. The Jade Rabbit need not exhaust itself to prepare all the medicine now. It can play with me all day long and I am so happy now.”
.
Upon hearing these remarks, Wu Gang gave his thigh a pat and exclaimed, “Energy Bagua is excellent! I want to learn too. Elder Sister Chang, please teach me quickly!”
.
Note: “The tree absorbs the energy from heaven and earth, the essence of the universe, so it has strong energy. As you walk around the tree daily, communicating with its energy, I believe you can also be as healthy.”
.
#MidAutumnFestival, #Humor, #EnergyBagua, #Health, #Happiness, #Longevity
#中秋、#幽默、#八卦內功、#健康、#快樂、#長壽


https://www.facebook.com/1656157281338091_2015067432113739