月份: 2018 年 5 月

超實用的婆媳相處之道！
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一個女同修愁眉苦臉地來找我訴苦：「師父，我兒子去年結婚了，原本以為可以多一個人照顧我兒子，但誰知道，我媳婦非常懶，除了上班日外，她都睡到中午才醒，也不會幫忙做飯、做家事，家事幾乎都要我兒子做！我不過說了她幾句，她就擺臭臉給我看！更令我生氣的是，兒子不但沒幫我，還護著媳婦，一起責怪我是惡婆婆！真是太讓我傷心了！」
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我問她：「妳有女兒嗎？」她說：「我有兩個女兒。」我再問：「她們假日都睡到幾點啊？」她說：「她們平時上班辛苦，所以我都會讓她們多睡一下，等我煮好中餐才會叫她們起床。」我繼續問：「那妳女兒平常會幫忙做家事嗎？」她說：「偶爾吧！但她們不想做的時候我也不會勉強。」
我說：「妳看看，妳女兒能做的事情，換成媳婦做了就是罪大惡極，這樣看來妳也沒有把媳婦當成女兒嘛！又怎麼能期待她把妳當成自己的媽媽呢？」
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她說：「我這不是心疼兒子嗎？平時上班已經夠累的了，假日還不能好好休息，真是太可憐了！」
我說：「妳兒子上班累，媳婦上班難道不累嗎？媳婦也是別人家的寶貝女兒呀！妳心疼妳的孩子，難道她爸媽就不心疼她嗎？」
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這個女同修當場就不說話了，我告訴她：「妳不要老覺得媳婦把兒子給搶走了，而是多一個人來愛他。另外，妳可以回想一下當初結婚的時候的心情，就能理解媳婦的想法了。如果妳可以站在她的立場替她想想，多體諒她，少一點責備、多一點鼓勵，我相信妳們婆媳之間的關係，一定可以改善的。」
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隔了半年多，我又見到了這位女同修，這次她和一個年輕女人一起來見我。我說：「妳女兒真孝順，還會陪妳來禪堂。」她笑笑說：「師父，這不是我女兒，這是我媳婦呀！」我說：「這樣看來，妳們婆媳感情還挺好的。」
她說：「這都要歸功於師父的教誨，上次我聽了您的話，回家之後想了很久，決定要修正自己的態度，不要總用批判的角度看媳婦，要多欣賞她的優點。當我把想法修正之後，媳婦的態度也慢慢改變，她不再視我為敵人！而且當我改正對媳婦態度的同時，我發現兒子對我也越來越孝順，不再總是為了媳婦跟我大小聲了！」
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人跟人之間的緣分其實是很奇妙的，今天兩個女人有緣成了婆媳，這代表的不是兩個女人的戰爭，而是這兩個女人都愛著同一個男人，只是立場不同罷了。有緣成了一家人， 就要懂得珍惜這份緣，讓這份善緣持續下去！
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最後祝大家：和家人的關係都能和樂、美滿、幸福！
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#婆媳、#家務、#將心比心、#體諒、#婆媳相處之道rnrnThe super practical way of getting along between mother and daughter-in-laws

Recently, one of our Bodhi Meditation members came to me full of worries and complained to me: “ Master, when my son got married last year, I thought there would be an extra person to take care of my son. To my disappointment, my daughter-in-law turned out to be very lazy. Other than the normal working days, she would sleep till almost noon and seldom help in household chores, leaving most of it to my son. When I made some comments on her attitude, she would show me her angry face! What is more annoying is that my son not only did not help me to correct her, he even blamed me for being harsh and being a bad mother-in-law. I’m so sad!”

I asked her: “Do you have daughters?”
She replied: “ Yes, I have two daughters.”
I continued: “What time do your daughters wake up on weekends?”.
She replied: “As they work hard during the week, I would usually let them sleep a little longer and wake them up when lunch is ready.”
I continued, again: “So, do your daughters help out in household chores?”
She responded:” Occasionally. But I seldom impose upon them if they are unwilling.”
I added after her response: “Well you should take a second look. What your daughters are doing, you blame your daughter-in-law for the same behavior. It seems like you are not treating your daughter-in-law as your own daughter, so how do you expect her to treat you as her mother?”

She replied: “I’m just feeling pity for my son. He is already so tired after work, and can’t even have a good rest at home over the weekend because he has to do what my daughter-in-law is supposed to do!”
I replied: “I think your daughter-in-law is equally tired after work like your son. Don’t you think her parents may pity her, too?”

She was immediately silent, and I said: “You may want to reverse your thinking that your daughter-in-law snatched your son away. Instead, you may want to see it as your son found another woman to love him. If you recall the time when you got married, you may better sympathize your daughter-in-law’s feelings. If you can put yourself in her shoes and show more understanding and love, I’m sure you’ll get along well with her.”

Half a year later, I chanced to meet with the same female member, this time with a young lady. I greeted her: “You have a filial daughter to accompany you to Bodhi Meditation Center.”
She smiled and greeted: “Master, she is not my daughter. She is my daughter-in-law.”
I praised her: “Looks like you have improved your relationship with her.”
She thanked me saying: “Master, it was because of you who reminded me to change my attitude. Instead of always judging my daughter-in-law, I began to appreciate her strength and forte. When I changed my attitude towards her, she also responded with a positive change, and both of us stopped seeing each other as adversaries. When my son felt this change, he became more filial to me and seldom do we exchange nasty comments like in the past.”

It is always interesting when it comes to inter-personal relationship. When two women become in-laws, it is more of both loving the same man instead of being at war. It is just looking at different perspectives. We should always learn how to treasure the good fortune of being together as a family and letting it flourish.

Finally, I wish everyone enjoys harmonious, happy and blissful relationships with their families.

#InLaws, #Housework, #PutOneselfInOther’sShoes, #Empathize

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