I am “For His Sake”?
I am “For his sake”. Why does he not appreciate what I have been doing for him? Sometime back, a fellow practitioner came to me and lamented that his family members failed to understand his good intentions and did not appreciate his efforts. To him, it was obvious that whatever he had done was for their well being but yet they did not appreciate it. He felt sad and troubled and came to seek my advice on how to resolve the matter.
I asked him: “You told me what you had done was for your family’s sake. Can you share with me in what ways have you helped your family? ” He said: “I felt that my parents were old and not as agile, so I employed a domestic help to do the household chores for them. However, they told me that they did not like having an outsider at home. They also complained that the meals prepared by the domestic help were not to their liking.”
I asked, “Did you seek your parents’ opinion?”
He said: “No.”
And He then continued, “Once, I thought my wife’s motorcycle was too old and bought a car for her. I sent the old motorcycle to be scrapped. However, my wife felt that I was too meddlesome as she actually preferred the old motorcycle!”
I said, “Did you seek your wife’s opinion?”
He said: “No.”
I asked, “What else have you done for your family ?” He said, “Yes! I feel very agitated when talking about it! I worked hard to earn money to support my family. I hope to raise my kids into fine people. I therefore enrolled my daughter for piano, violin, dancing and drawing lessons. Since her school grades were poor , I engaged a private tutor for her for all her subjects. I even enrolled her into a private school. I have see to all her needs but she did not appreciate it at all. Just a few days ago, she was very rude when talking to me; she even told me that she did not like all the arrangements that I made for her. It really made me very mad!”
I asked, “Did you ever ask your daughter for her views?” He replied angrily. “Why should I ask? Being a child, what does she know? What I do is good for her !”
I told him: “You always think what you did for them is good for them , but did you ever seek their views? Are you sure that what you did for them is what they desire? I give you an assignment, you go back and ask them exactly what are their wishes and share them with me the next time you see me. ”
Recently, the fellow practitioner came to me and said, “Master, what you said to me is true; what I gave them was not what they wished to have!”
He said: “I asked my parents. They told me that they rather that I go back to their hometown more often to visit them rather than employ a domestic help for them. I asked my wife why she preferred a motor cycle to a car. She replied that, at the market, it is easier to find a place to park a motorcycle than a car. I asked my daughter what she really wanted. She said she prefers that I spend my time bringing the family for holidays rather than slog so hard in order to send her for tuition and learn other skills.
Thereafter, I tried to go along with their wishes. My parents are happier and my wife loves me even more. My daughter’s academic grades did not drop because of our frequent family trips; in fact she becomes more lively and keener to learn. It is indeed true that going along with their wishes is really doing them good … “. I nodded and smiled, noting his happy face as i continued to share. . .
Thus, when we are doing things “for their sake”, we should first try to understand other people’s need and desire. We should convert our love and care for others into “empathy” and “stepping into another’s shoes”. This will make it easier for us when planning what to do for others. Once we have their real interests at heart, it will be easier to communicate and build a better relationship.
Finally, I wish everyone a smooth sailing life, auspiciousness, joy and happiness!
#ForHisSake, #PutYourselfInTheirShoes, #Empathy, #FamilyHarmony, #Happiness