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Q&A with Grandmaster JinBodhi on relationships: The Golden Key to Happiness
Today, Feb 14, is Valentine’s Day. It is a day of romance and to cherish love. On this day, we cherish our partners who accompany us faithfully in our life, whom we may often have differences with and yet, they relieve us from loneliness.
However, many marriages are also formed in baffling circumstances, and couples only start questioning their existence when they ponder over them later with clear minds.
Actually, the “fortuitous togetherness” is also a form of happiness!
#Q&A with Grandmaster JinBodhi on relationships, #Happiness through fortuitous togetherness, #The golden key to happiness, #Valentine’s Day
From the Video:
Title : The Golden Key to Happiness
I have questions with regards to what Master taught about relationships on Facebook some time back;
What is predestined affinity? Do you think any person you like should belong to you?
“I think “fortuitous togetherness” is good enough, so long as the other party is of the opposite sex and of an acceptable age to you”
Master, I am confused and do not quite understand what “fortuitous togetherness” means.
Does it mean that if a person likes me or is nice to me, I should accept him/her as a potential partner?
Would that bring happiness to me?
The phrase “fortuitous togetherness” (湊和) is a colloquial Northern Chinese expression. What I meant is one does not make high demands and expectations on the potential life partner or spouse. The higher the expectations, the more likely one will be disappointed.
So when I mentioned the concept of “fortuitous togetherness”, I meant one should set a reasonable expectation of the other person’s looks, income, occupation, height, family background, etc. Do not deliberate too much, just go along with the flow and be at ease.
When we meet a suitable person of the opposite sex at a suitable time and feel comfortable or even happy; thereafter understanding further his age, occupation, character, etc., which more or less meet our expectations, we may progress to the next stage of marriage to spend our life with that person.
After marriage, the concept of fortuitous togetherness may sound perfunctory or even irresponsible. But it actually means not to expect too much from the other person, not be too rigid that he/she feels suffocated. We need to relax and be at ease, and not be greedy and keep wanting more from the other person. In this way the relationship can progress naturally with ease. Fortuitous togetherness in Northern Chinese language also implies partnership and collaboration to achieve common goals.
Therefore, if we come together through fortuitous encounter, we work together to build the family by complementing each other. So even if we may not be perfect, we can still create a happy and perfect life together. Even though the child we produce may not be perfect in height, look and luck, or as pretty, but we will have true love and we can create a family which is more fortunate, spontaneous, more blissful, unpretentious, undemanding and realistic in expectations.
In fact, one reason why couple divorce is due to unrealistic expectations. For example, if the husband is in business, the wife hopes he will prosper. If the husband is still not wealthy after 10 years of marriage, the wife divorces and leaves him. Is this right?
Another example is when a lady hopes to marry someone who is in a high position. After 10 years of marriage and the partner is still not promoted, his wife leaves him.
Yet another example, a girl wishes to marry a tall and strong man, but after being married for 10 years, he is still not tall and strong, she leaves him.
Many couples with high expectations of each other end up being separated. What if they adopt the fortuitous togetherness attitude I mentioned?
To a lady, is it better to stay married than not?
To a man, is it better to be married than remain single?
With this attitude in mind, one would be more spontaneous and would love and cherish his family and manage the marriage with care.
So fortuitous togetherness is definitely not deceiving or perfunctory. It is a relaxed and blissful natural state. We can also call this a collaborative mental state. With fortuitous togetherness, the couple may live a hundred years together. With fortuitous togetherness, we can create the most natural, happiest and blessed families.